First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
