Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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