im drinking this country out of the recession.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
What drink are we having for lunch?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
