you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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