dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
