): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
