yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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