lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
