my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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