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I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize