I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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