I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
