Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
the liver wants what the liver wants
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
