there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
