gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
