He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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