Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
