Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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