Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize