so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
