DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
