i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Randomize
