You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
We left the knife in your bed.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
