we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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