I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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