She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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