I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
