just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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