its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
