i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
