UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
