hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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