A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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