there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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