I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
