Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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