Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
