Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
