i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
