you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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