I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
We were destined to go to rehab together
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
