Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
