brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
