This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
