who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I could fuck to npr.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
