I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
The Olympian is in my bed
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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