This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Dicks are not precious.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
