Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
