just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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