Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
