I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
