Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
