i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize