The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
