i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
