like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
