So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He did a backflip because drugs
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
