you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
