Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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