it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
