If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
