I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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