put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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