So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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