hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
