you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
