omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
