I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
