today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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