Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
