Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
