her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
