have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
