Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
