Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
