Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
this boner is exhausting
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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