It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
